Pink Blog

Forget Care Bears, forget Build a Bear, forget teddy bears…this is a Swear Bear. It’s a girl, of course, and she suffers from PMS…”putting up with men’s sh*t!” and loudly tells you so in exactly so many words. She’s not even available yet, but you can pre-order her for $29.99. This reminds me of a little stuffed beaver I bought in San Francisco 10 years ago…she wore a little pearl necklace and pink skirt and said things like “me love you loooong time!” and other colorful phrases. Ah, whimsy!

It has been a LONG time since I’ve featured anything in the Adult Items category. But since I was talking about vibrating pink things yesterday, this seemed an appropriate time to mention The Cone. Because this blog is intended to be work-safe, I’m not going to tell you what to do with it. It’s cone-shaped, and it vibrates…okay? (If you haven’t figured out by now that this blog isn’t targeted toward kids, now you know that too. It’s probably okay to look at with kids around, but I’ve featured all kinds of stuff that isn’t for kids.) Anyway, the Cone is a really pricey thing-that-it-is. You can get other things that do the same job for cheaper. But if you have a Sex and the City type crowd to brag about these to, then the Cone will definitely make your friends jealous.

I’m going to try to write this with a straight face, but it may not work. See, when I hear “magic wand” I think of a certain implement made by Hitachi. And when I hear “high-speed vibrating tip” I do not think of bags under my eyes. But that’s exactly what the Magic Wand Facial Massager claims to do. I admit it is shaped a little funny for what I was thinking of, and $26 is kind of a lot to pay for this particular product, but still…that’s what I think of.

If you want to use it on your face, though, you can do that too. It’s supposed to eliminate bags under your eyes by simulating the fingertip movements of a trained therapist. It’s also supposed to encourage skin renewal and repair…I guess I don’t know enough about how skin cells regenerate to evaluate it in that capacity. But why do you have to buy a special implement for this? Can’t you just use your Dream Egg instead?

I was of two minds about bringing you this particular pink product. It’s pretty cheap ($6 at Eden) and a nice shade of pink, but it’s really not that useful. It’s used for light tying-up purposes, but I’ve used this stuff before – for a photo shoot! – and it’s really, really hard to work with. You kind of have to get into a rhythm with it, but at first it will break a LOT. There are much better ways – pink cuffs anyone? – to restrain somebody in pink for fun. (I highly recommend this for femdom couples, who will get an extra humiliation bonus!)

You know, I don’t really know what to make of this little toy. The product webpage refers to a “party in your pants” and 10 functions, but this looks like a very, very plain vibe to me. It’s unfortunate that they don’t give you anything in the pictures for scale, because I think this must be an awfully tiny device – or else you’re going to walk around like you have a giant egg between your legs. I’ve never really thought of remote control vibes as solo toys, but I guess you could play with this on the subway by keeping the control in your coat pocket…or something. But hey, it’s phthalate-free and latex-free, so you can use it without worrying about allergies or other unhealthy effects! It requires a bunch of batteries, and probably goes through them quickly, but it does come with a starter set at least.

This is pink champagne, and it also happens to be called Pink. It’s an Australian sparkling wine from Yellowglen, which also makes a standard-color champagne called Yellow. We had the Pink version at my in-laws house not too long ago and I was immediately tickled by the name and I knew I had to post it on Pink Blog even though the bottle isn’t completely pink. (I did see a pink bottle in a liquor store recently; I don’t remember what the product was but I don’t think it was anything blush or rose that would have actually been pink inside too.)

I want to make it clear: this blog is going to be safe for work. There is an “Adult Items” category, but there will never be anything that isn’t safe for work. For example, the pink personal lubricant post had a picture of what looks like a perfume bottle. The picture on this post isn’t even particularly identifiable. I will not, however, be featuring anything that looks like anything anatomical, no matter how pink it is, or anything else truly explicit. So rest assured, okay? Anyway, these are cute little Tickled Pink restraints which you can imagine how they are used! They are affordable enough that you can buy two sets – one for the arms and one for the legs, if you get my drift…I have something similar to this (not pink though) and they certainly come in handy!

Perhaps this is kind of an odd item, but I thought it was so funny that they were calling to the “pink” market with the name! This is a personal lubricant that comes in a bottle virtually indistinguishable from a perfume spray bottle. It is a silicone lubricant, which means it’s not suitable for toys made of the same material. It is reportedly hypoallergenic – good for people with sensitive skin. I hadn’t heard of it before just now, but Babeland, which sells this product in three sizes, has rave reviews for “Pink” personal lubricant.
Added: Check out the Jane’s Guide review of Pink.